Saturday, August 02, 2014

Sickness is a Defense

Sickness is a defense against the truth… The aim of all defenses is to keep the truth from being whole.

This from the BATGAP interview I was listening to as I did my yoga on the floor, carefully as my sciatica was sending electric jolts down my left leg.

Sickness is a decision when you’re afraid of love and you want to prove you’re little and tiny and frail and not Christ-like or Buddha-like.  You actually decide in your mind for a symptom.
David Hoffmeister, BATGAP  1:15:00

The tingling leg symptoms have replaced yesterday’s migraine, which I assumed was the result of several day’s intense scrutiny of county zoning and building regulations.  I’ve spent hours sitting at the computer in preparation for an upcoming contract discussion, if not dispute.  All that sitting also seems the obvious reason for the flare-up of sciatica.  And yet, Lesson 136 is an invitation to consider the issue from a different angle.

I'd already noticed that as I studied out the issues of the contract, tasks that needed doing, dropped responsibilities, failures, blame, missed deadlines, false deadlines,  I also began to see people trying to do their best, simple miscommunication, opportunities to learn, and greater clarity emerging. Could a frustrating mess also be a blessing?  It seems likely. 
I'd noticed that in the beginning there was anger, fear (?) that I really couldn’t name, an anger that became a deep burning energy that deeply shook my body and was totally without emotion.  And then the burning died out, as if all the fuel had been consumed.  What remained was the silence and the spaciousness… even as the migraine arose. 
And then, the electric leg… and then these words: 
Sickness is a defense against the truth. … when you’re afraid of love. 
They rang a bell!  

Still, I find it hard to believe that a herniated disc can be “cured” through simply an attitude adjustment. It has to go deeper than the words and nice belief.  Then, perhaps if I truly let love overtake my being, something will relax inside, hormones change, inflammation diminish, calcium channels close or open, and my leg will feel better and my migraine won’t come back.

I am reminded of this recent video I saw posted on FaceBook (and which I hope translates to this page!)  Perhaps in the end, what works and doesn’t work simply does rest upon your point of view.


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