Found Folded and Stuffed

Concern
Originally uploaded by Parthiv

into my briefcase, is a note I made shortly before going on retreat.
(You may be surprised to learn that I actually try to self-censor the stuff I post.)
This seemed inappropriate to share.
But, now I think, “What the heck?”

Something can be learned from this.
Two things actually: 1) Mahavakyas are “great sayings” or teachings. And I think, one goes like this (or have been combined into this) – “I am That. Thou art That. All this is That.” And 2) After all is said and done, you’ll see that it actually takes more energy to remain asleep than to Awaken.

This second point was made by Adyashanti. And I hope its meaning becomes obvious below.
The first point Maharishi used to illustrate the steps involved in awakening:
Step One – realize the Self, “I am That.” Witnessing consciousness arises, as the Absolute Self is separate from activity and the world.
Step Two – realize that any primary object of perception (thou, tree, cloud, bird…),“Thou are That.” Maharishi called this stage God Consciousness as perception viewed the most subtle beauty of each object.
Step three – duality drops off and Unity Consciousness is lived, “All this is That.”

So I came back from retreat to find crumpled in the side pouch of my briefcase/bag a good example of how abstract teachings can play out in real life.
It reads:

I almost went to the hospital today. I was at work, 5pm with chest pains, weakness in my arms, nausea, and confused thinking. Felt like I was about to faint.
But, I didn’t go- it wasn’t really a heart attack. [Or so I bet.]

I see now it is “me” tearing up my body, breaking my heart, as I refuse to let my consciousness shift.

I am witnessing horrendously – whatever that means.
I’m not looking closely enough to come to a true accuracy in words.

Horrendous witnessing is when your eyes tell you nothing, nothing is Real.
And yet, it’s all out there and moving and the laws of physics apply and have to be respected.
Visual perception is across this GAP.

I cannot find myself…
“I am That, Thou art That, All this is That.”

Horrendous witnessing is seeing, “All this is That” and That is Nothing.
“Thou art That” and That is not real.
No, it’s REALLY Nothing [rather than not real].

And I refuse to admit, though I can see it – “I am That.”
[Seems like I have got the three steps backwards. This worried me for awhile.]

If I were to really acknowledge this, I would no longer have it backwards.
Immediately, there would be this whole inversion of Creation.
I would be the God from which all Creation springs.
… And I am afraid to let that happen.
And my body is collapsing.

So ends my note to myself.

Adya hung a sign in the back of the retreat hall. It said, “Resistance is futile.”
It’s futile, for one thing, because it takes such energy.
Resistance just makes the changes harder to negotiate.
Resistance shifts the whole process up an octave towards hysteria.
Resistance gives you migraines and chest pains.

It really isn’t necessary, unless you want to do it.
… cause, what ya gonna do? Resist resistance!

If you don’t have a sense of humor now... you will.

PS - click on the monkey and read his story. It's nice.